The Grinding Wheels of Government

If the world is going to Hell in a handbasket, at least we can take consolation in the fact that it is a long trip. And if the governmental bureaucracy is in charge of the paperwork, it will be a really long trip. This fact was once again brought to my attention recently when I tried to get a replacement social security card for my son. Since the government has decided that everyone should be assigned a social security number shortly after conception, instead of waiting until you are old enough to work, I held onto his social security card throughout his formative years and gave it to him during his early teenage years when he got his first real wallet. Which he promptly lost.
He, of course, denies that I ever gave it to him, and I, of course, say that I remember the touching ceremony that went along with the presentation. The rite of passage in which he became more than just a name; he became a government appointed number. Truthfully, I don't know for sure that I did give it to him, but since I am writing this column, I get to tell the story my way. Whatever really happened, the social security card is lost and now we get to see bureaucracy in action as we try to get that flimsy, 2 inch by 3 inch, piece of cardboard replaced.
The history of bureaucracy is a long one, dating back to just after the invention of the wheel. Cave paintings have recently been discovered that prove that the wheel was invented by a man named Ogg. As often happens, one invention leads to another and Grok, a neighbor of Ogg's, followed up the invention of the wheel with the invention of The Department of Wheel Registration. This tied in nicely with Mary Leakey's discovery of Zinjanthropus man. Leakey found the remains of fifteen bodies all in line and facing what appear to be the traces of a coffee-like substance possibly left by a Homo-habilus clerk at the Olduvai Gorge Department of Wheel Registration office.
By tracing the history of inventions from the Wheel, we eventually arrive at the computer, which in many cases has actually cut out some bureaucracy and speeded up the processing of some forms. Social Security does not seem to be one of those cases. In order to get a new copy of a social security card, it still takes 10 -14 days. Any decent forger could produce one in a matter of hours. Terrorists were able to get a full set of forged documents; visas, passports, driver's licenses, the whole works, in less time than that. And they didn't even have to wait in line.
To be completely fair, although it is kind of an American pastime to complain about government bureaucracy, it is much better than in most countries. And many of the governmental bureaucracies are trying to use the internet in order to speed up service and to create a flow of information to consumers. The social Security administration is one such agency. They have a marvelous website with many interesting features. I even found a game at their site. It's one of those simulation games where you set up a country and you have to find the best and quickest way to get government services to your people. At first I thought it sounded a bit hokey, but after a while decided that it might be kind of fun. I clicked on it and a window came up telling me that I didn't have the correct reader. It asked me if I wanted to load the reader. I wasn't really sure. The game had peaked my interest, but I really didn't need anything taking up more memory. I started to click the cancel button, but decided "what the heck! I can always dump it later." I clicked the load button and another window popped up.
"Loading Reader", it said. "Loading time: 10-14 days."